so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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