Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
