Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
