will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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