I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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