is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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