You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
