The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
