I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
