Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
