it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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