idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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