so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
