Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
