help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
should my penis look like a turkey
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
