Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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