Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
