i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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