where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
