my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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