The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
