Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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