is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
