I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
