Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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