I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
