you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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