Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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