doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
