they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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