I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
