Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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