Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
