I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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