just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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