the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
