I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
