grandma shit on top of the toilet
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
