Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
