all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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