Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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