Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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