he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
as a side note pls kill me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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