Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
