I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
