Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
