the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
"it" just moved
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
