If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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