I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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