you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
