I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
