Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
