I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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