you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
