I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
