i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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