You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
