wakey wakey hands off snakey
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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