girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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