my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
