you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
