She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
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