apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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