his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
