After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
