How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
