If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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