I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
