I wish I could punch you in the face.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
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i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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