Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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