i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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