Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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