i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
