saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
