What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
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BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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