she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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